My roommates (also best friends) and I have this weird little thing where when one of us has a bad moment/day/week we say "Life..." and the other plays bongo type noises on any available object. It's just us being silly and making light of a bad situation. I've been doing it quite a bit lately.
See, I thought found a church I love but it didn't work out.
I thought my heart was healed. (Spoiler: It isn't.)
My study skills seem to be lacking which equals bad grades which turns into LESS motivation.
I'm so incredibly self conscious about my body and weight right now.
So lots of things are "wrong".
When I was in high school I had myself convinced that if I could just make it to college everything in my life would work out and be perfect. Can I just say how WRONG I was?! Man, when I was younger, it was about reaching the next milestone. And now that I have arrived, I realize I've spent my life waiting and dreaming about this magical (mythical) life I was going to have. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, has worked out like I planned. I'm in a different major, different relationship status, different school, different state than I planned.
And guess what?
It's still beautiful. I'm still living and I'm still serving God (or doing my best). I still have friends, I still care about my community and my goals. Despite the fact that seriously nothing is what I thought it would be and very little is actually "good" right now, I know God has a plan. It's so hard for me to see it sometimes. Most of the time, I'm so caught up in this daydream and I think this isn't what I thought it would be. Where is my perfect day, perfect plan, perfect life? then I have to remind myself that not every moment is going to be "good" but that doesn't mean it's bad either. And although I might have really bad days (Last Tuesday, anyone? I spilled an entire cup of coffee down the front of my *am lecture hall.), I will have more good days. And just because it's a bad season, doesn't mean it's a bad life. I don't believe my God would give me a bad life. In fact, I know He wouldn't. He has promised good to me. and I will see the harvest from this season of sowing and sowing and sowing. All this effort and pain will be worth it.
As for my heart: If my biggest fault is that I loved too quickly, too fully, too recklessly, then I consider myself a success.
